Anybody Seen Simon Cowell?

Hello again and let me say right from the start that you are not going to believe this.

Four of our colleagues have decided to combine in order to create a showbiz phenomenon… That’s right, Richard, Richard, Richard and Richard have formed a…, (can I call them this?), an, er… ‘Boy Band.’ You heard it here first.

Apparently, they sound like a right shower.

However, they are in need of a band name… If you have any suggestions of the kind that will cause offense to neither customers nor The Boss, then leave them via the ‘Comment’ button. But remember, I get to moderate the comments, ok?

So if you see Mr. Cowell, let him know that there are showers out there that perform poorly, but with Home Boost, nobody need suffer anymore.

For example, here’s one poor performing shower about to get the Home Boost experience 🙂

The Four Richards… unless you can come up with a better name?

L-R: Richard Moffat, Richard (TK) Allan, Richard Morel, Richard Wright.

Meanwhile, I’ve been thinking about suitable songs for Salamander’s new combo. Can you think of any more tunes they could cover? BTW, if you’ve only got time to check out the one link below, it has to be the number one link, ‘Pull ‘Em Up!’… A classic 🙂

Pull ‘Em Up! (Don’t Use A Plumber With His Pants Hanging Down) – San Diego Plumbers

Pump It Up – Elvis Costello (featuring Bono and The Edge)

Under Pressured – Queen and David Bowie

Time To Shower – Psychostick

Shower The People – James Taylor

Pump It – Black Eyed Peas

What The Water Gave Me – Florence and the Machine

Use The Force – Jamiroqui –

I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Out Of My Hair – Mitzi Gaynor

Can You Feel The Force? –  The Real Thing

Shower Song – Phoebe from Friends

Cold Shower Tuesdays – Bowling For Soup

Plumbing Rap – Dimension 139

That’s it for now chaps, but remember, if you encounter The Hulk on the road, reach for the ear plugs.

Cheers, Big Malc

How To Choose Your Successor

Hello again Dear Readers

 

Let’s start the week on a little story with a moral to it.

A successful businessman was growing old and 
knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the business.

Instead of choosing one of his Directors or his children, he decided  to do something different. He called all the young executives in his company together and said, “It’s time for me to step down and choose the next CEO. I have decided to choose one of you. ” The young executives were shocked, but the boss continued. “I am going to give each one of you a seed today – one very special seed. I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from today with   what you have grown from the seed I have given you. ‘I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the  one I  choose will be   the next CEO.”

One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and told his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed. Everyday, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow. 



Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew 



Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still  nothing.

By now, others were talking about their plants, 
but Jim didn’t have a plant and he felt like a failure.

Six months went by — still nothing in Jim’s pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Jim didn’t say anything to his colleagues however, he just kept watering and fertilizing the soil – he so wanted the seed to grow.

A  year finally went by and all the young executives of the  company  brought  their plants to the CEO for inspection. 
Jim told his wife that he wasn’t going to take an empty pot.  
But she asked him to be honest about what happened. Jim felt sick to his  
stomach, it was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right. He took his empty pot to the boardroom.

When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful – in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry for him! 
When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives. Jim just tried to hide in the back. “My, what great plants, trees and flowers you have grown,” said the CEO. “Today, one of you will be appointed the next CEO!” 



All  of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room  with his empty pot. He ordered the Financial Director to bring him to the front. Jim was terrified. He thought, “The CEO knows I’m a failure! Maybe he will have me fired!”

When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed, 
Jim told him the story. The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, “Behold your next Chief Executive Officer!

Jim couldn’t believe it. Jim couldn’t even grow his seed.  



”How could he be the new CEO?” the others said. 



Then the CEO said, “One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead.

All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new  
Chief  Executive Officer!”

And the moral is? Don’t believe everything you read!

Have a good week!

And by the way… Home Boost How many are you installing this week?

Five Rules To Remember In Life

Dear Readers

For no other reason other than I was thinking if you, here’s a little something to make you think of me!

Five Rules To Remember In Life
1. Money can not buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Rolls Royce than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy, but never forget the b*****’s  face / name.

3. If you help someone when they’re in trouble, they will remember you when they’re in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.

 

There you have it… And remember, life is good.

Until next time

Cheers

Big Malc

This time, no answers – only questions…

Hello again dear readers

No beating about the bush this time, lads. I think it’s only fair that I speak my mind. I’m concerned about the questions you’re asking me. They’re almost all about plumbing!

I thought I’d pose some questions of my own, in order that you getter a clearer picture of the vast resources of sagacity and experience that are yours to command, courtesy of Salamander Pumps. So think on. You can ask me anything!

Try these for size, and remember, if you have any smarty-pants answers to offer, you can leave them for other readers to enjoy / laugh at / ridicule via ‘comment’.

Here goes… Ahem:

1. Do we cry underwater under water?
2. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
3. Why do you have to ‘put your two penn’orth in’… but it’s only a ‘penny for your thoughts’? Who’s getting that extra penny?
4. 
Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
5. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
6. What disease did cured ham actually have?
7. How is it that we put man on the moon before we realised it’d be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
8. Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up every two hours?
9. If a deaf person has to go to court, why is it still called a hearing?
10. Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?
11. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
12. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
13. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
14. If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
15. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? 
They’re both dogs!
16. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME rubbish, why didn’t he just buy dinner and forget the damned roadrunner?
17. Why do The Alphabet Song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
18. Why did you just try singing those two songs ? 


( 🙂 )
19. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out of the window?
20. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are about to die?
21. Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there isn’t any money?
22. Why does someone believe you when you tell them there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
23. 
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
24. 
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
25. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
26. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
27. Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?
28. If people evolved from apes, 
why are there still apes?
29. Why is it that no matter what colour bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
30. Is there ever a day that three piece suites 
are not on sale?
31. Why do people constantly return to the fridge hoping that something new to eat will have materialized?
32. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
33. Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
34. How do those dead insects get into those enclosed light fixtures?
35. When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, ‘It’s all right?’ Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, ‘That really hurt, why don’t you watch where you’re going, moron?’
36. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
37. In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer, when we complained about the heat?
38. How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
39. If life begins at 40, why do we start school at 5?
40. And finally, my favourite… 
The statistics on sanity tell us that one in every four people is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends — if they’re okay, then it’s you.

Hope I made you smile; important news coming soon.

Until then, cheers.

Big Malc

You Just Won’t Believe These!

Hello again Dear Readers

One of my pals – Mad Greg from Bury – sent me an e-mail with these amazing pictures of toilets that, well, just don’t do the job right…

I thought that, since most of you are installers of the bathroom variety, or are training to join our merry band, that this would be good for a real belly laugh!

Let’s be careful out there!

Privacy? Reminds me of a bog hut in Moscow I once had to use. Didnt worry about my neighbour on the next seat though, she was a lovely girl!

I think somebody needs a tap on the head...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Peeping under the door is now a possibility at the Old Peoples Home!

 

 

No problem, I'll just, er, cut the door around the pan... Is that OK?

Talk about the ‘throne room’!

Synchronised peeing, anyone?

So, which bright spark located the loo paper out of reach?

 

You'd have to be desperate to try this one wouldn't you?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sam’s Leaky Pump: In Dog Years, it’s over a hundred!

Hello again dear readers.

It’s been a busy time for TK and me, we’ve been up in Scotland, over in Ireland and out of ear-shot of Mrs. Malc! So not a bad month, you might say…

TK was on his own in Newhaven recently and he was so bored he started sending me text messages: ‘Hi Malc, TK here! In Premier Inn, Newhaven, Billy No Mates as ever! There are 6 old dears on the next table trying to split the bill between them. Does it really matter who had Coke and who had water? Quite entertaining to begin with, but after an hour?’

And that’s how exciting it gets when Big Malc ain’t around. I texted back that TK should pick on the oldest and / or ugliest biddy and flirt like mad with her, just for a laugh, obviously… He didn’t reply to the text so who knows how it ended? (Probably in geriatric A&E… LOL!)

Next night, I get another text from TK: ‘In Nando’s in Durham. I’ve got a jacket and scarf on and everybody else looks like they’re heading for the beach. Edinburgh tomorrow…’

The point of this? It’s a lonely life on the road when you’re on your own. You start to send annoying texts to people. Anyhow, enough of the trials and tribulations of your favourite Salamander folks, and down to the serious business.

I’ve had this question posted on the site from Sam:

I have a Salamander BSM Twin shower pump which was fitted in December 1995.
On discovering a leak I have checked the pump and found water is leaking from the plastic housing where
 the drive shaft enters from the motor on the hot side. The hot water supply to the unit has a temperature control valve fitted.

Is it possible to get a replacement seal kit to replace the damaged seals?

Well Sam, thanks for getting in touch. Unfortunately due to the age of the pump we would be unable to provide a replacement seal kit to replace the damaged ones. So it looks like a new pump is going to be required. The nearest replacement pump for the BSM Twin would be our RHP 100, which is a Twin Impellor 3bar centrifugal whole house pump, or a Force 30pt, which is one of our new brass ended pumps.

Incidentally Sam, there may be a need for slight alteration pipe work as the BSM 3 Bar Twin was a regenerative pump.

So it looks like a new ‘un for  Sam. But his question got me thinking. A 17 year-old pump that has been doing the business all that time has now died, I wonder what 17 is in ‘Pump years’? We talk about Doggie years and Cat years don’t we?

If a cat reached the age of 17 (and I understand that this has been known), we refer to a ‘cat year’ equivalent. I’ve just been on the InterWeb and it seems that a 17-year-old cat is 85 in human years. (So I’m not surprised there’s been a bit of leakage… I remember my Granddad when he hit 85… Not nice).

Similarly, calculating in Doggie years, the leaking pump would be over 100 years old. That’s puddles-on-the-kitchen-floor age, for sure, whether you are man or beast. (Granddad never made it that far). All in all, I think we should celebrate the life of Sam’s pump, maybe write to Buck House and ask Her Madge to send a telegram?

So, come on lads, what’s your interpretation of ‘pump shower’ years? And what’s the oldest Salamander Pump you know to be doing the business still? Let me know!

Time For A Laugh

Not about plumbers this time, but a tradesman further down the food chain, namely a painter and decorator…

There was a painter called Jock, who was very interested in making an extra penny wherever he could, so he would often thin down paint to make it go a tad farther. As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the local church decided to do a big restoration job and repainting was part of the brief. Jock put in a bid, and because his price was so low, he got the job. And so he set to erecting the trestles and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I’m sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine.

Well, Jock was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened, the rain poured down, washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Jock clear off the scaffold, to land in the graveyard surrounded by tell-tale puddles of thinned and useless paint.

Jock was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got on his knees and cried: “Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?”

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke…

“Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!!!!”

Yes, that’s the standard we’re aiming at chaps. Got any better jokes? Tell me and I’ll use them. I might even credit you for it!

A well, that’s it for now. Until next time,

Keep smiling!

Your mate at Salamander, Big Malc.

Leaky Pump? You Sure It’s The Right Pump For The Job?

Hello again out there!

I’ve come over all prolific – they can’t touch you for it – so here’s another issue fast on the heels of the last. I’m really building up a head of steam! (Where my hair used to be 🙂 )

The truth is not that I’m beginning to see myself as an authoritative blogist, but that there’s been another interesting question come through in the last couple of days and I thought the answer might be of wider interest, so here goes: The question comes from Noel:

My pump started leaking water last week. It is a RSP 100 3.0 Bar. It was servicing the whole house showers, taps, toilets etc. From your Pumpwise chart it suggests that this pump type is not suitable for this application. My pump is 4 years old. My query is if the fault is minor and this pump can be fixed is it o.k to reinstall it? What are the potential pitfalls of doing this.

First of all, Noel, sorry to hear you’re having difficulties and thanks for getting in touch, it’s much appreciated.

You’re quite correct that the pump is not suitable for a whole house situation, the pump you’ve fitted (RSP 100) is a shower specific model. The correct pump would be a RHP 100, which has an inbuilt by-pass tube to allow the pump to run closed head one side when filling a bath for example with hot or cold water separately or other outlets.

Pumps generally leak because of incorrect installation or possibly in this case the wrong pump for the application.

You’ve not been specific as to where the leak is coming from on the pump. Repair kits are available, but we can’t guarantee it’ll be 100% effective. The repair can be a little tricky and even if it works, you would only have the same problems in the future  as you’re having now, i.e. the wrong pump for the job.

Your best option would be to call the Salamander helpdesk & ask for a TIR (trade in replacement). This is where we can offer you the right pump, (RHP 100), at a reduced cost against your old pump. You can also check and go through the plumbing system to check that the pump installation is correct over the phone with one of our advisors.

I hope this helps, Noel, and let me say as always that our technical helpline number, 0191 516 2002, is available free of charge to all Salamander customers. Thanks for choosing a Salamander pump.

Now let’s lighten up.

Got a little time on your hands? Take a look at this amazing video of plumbing disasters. You’ll never complain about your apprentice again. (BTW, sorry about the dodgy disco soundtrack. I’d have chosen a little Val Doonican number myself, but that’s why I’m a plumber, not a DJ).

And now, for all those of my generation out there, a word of warning. Smart alecks everywhere are targeting us senior surfers with the following re-hash of an old prayer. I bring it to you so’s you know what to expect. You should have time to decide on your personal response should you receive this distressing e-mail: if not, I suggest you reply with the word, ‘flibberty-gibbet’. This means nothing at all but it will confirm your colleague’s worst fears and it might help if you’re after early retirement. Ahem:

The Sixty – Something’s Prayer…

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Amen to that.

On The Road

FYI, TK and Yours Truly have been invited to present at the 2012 NAPT conference again in June. So see to it that you come along and say ‘hello’.

Last but not least, it’s another Chuckle for the Road – and this one’s as true as I’m riding this camel.

 

The Talking Dog

 A plumber turns up at a customer’s house to install an all-singing-all-dancing Salamander CT 50 – (now with WRAS approval, (thank-you very much)), when he notices a sign in the garden of the house next door. ‘The sign says: ‘For Sale, Talking Dog.’

He thinks ‘I’m not having this’, so he rings the bell and the owner comes out and tells him the dog is in the back garden.

So sure enough, the plumber goes into the backyard and sees a scruffy black mongrel just sitting there.
“Do you really talk?” he asks.
“Do you really install showers?” the dog replies.
Unperturbed, our hero asks him “OK, Talking Dog, so, what’s your story?”
The dog looks up and says, “Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told MI5 about it, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined a dog could be eavesdropping. I was one of the UK’s most valuable spies eight years running, but the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. “I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded loads of medals. Had a wife, a few puppies, and now I’m just retired. Taking it easy, long leisurely walks, squirrel chasing, that sort of thing.”

The plumber is amazed. It’s as if he’s just seen a CENSORED BY ED price list J He goes in to the house and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, “Ten quid.”
The plumber says, “But this dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”
“Cause he’s a liar. He’s never done any of that stuff … “

Arf, arf… Yes, no? So send me better jokes, then!

Until next time, keep smiling

Your mate at Salamander,

Big Malc

The Low Down on Ram Rodding

Hello again to all and how are you?

Has the warm winter put the kybosh on your turnover? Some of my plumbing pals reckon they’ve had less call outs to deal with bursts this time round and it’s not that they’d wish a disaster on anybody – come to think of it, they might – but they’ve missed the extra cash that comes with catastrophe. Good job they don’t rely on Salamander pumps breaking down to make a living, or they’d all be outside McDonald’s shouting ‘Big Issue!’

Enough of the frivolity already. This time around, I’ve had an interesting question from a fella called Nick K, who posted a query on that well-known Internet advice forum, ‘Ultimate Handyman.’ This is what he wrote:

‘I have a Salamander RSP75 shower pump installed to the hot water cylinder for a good 7 months with no issue, but recently it has started coming on intermittently every few seconds when a hot water tap is opened. The only way to stop it is to run a bathroom hot water tap on full for a few seconds. My dad thinks it’s air in the pipes and the pump should only be connected to shower water pipes and wouldn’t affect hot water taps. Pump is connected to two showers but only one shower is ever used.’

First of all, Nick, Thank you for your question regarding the Salamander RSP75 you’ve installed at your property. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been having problems, but from the information you have provided regarding the fault, it would appear that the pump is experiencing what we call ‘Ram Rodding’.

This may occur when a tap or valve is closed on the system, which in-turn creates a ripple effect throughout the pipework.

The pump you have installed operates off flow rate; the flow of water passing through the pump lifts the floats, which activates the pump. When the water flow is stopped these floats fall and the pump deactivates.

The ripple effect, or water movement, created by closing the taps may be travelling back as far as the pump and / or the hot water cylinder, creating a push-and-pull effect that allows the floats to lift very briefly, but long enough for the pump to sense the water movement and start pulsating. This will be why, although the pump is not connected to the hot water taps, it is still pulsating and how, by opening a hot water tap, it releases the vibration / ripple in pipework.

During these circumstances fitting a lightly sprung non return valve will prevent the water movement back to the pump and thus resolve the pulsating of the pump that you are experiencing.

I hope this has helped, Nick, but please feel free to contact me to discuss the matter  if I can be of further assistance. By the way, we can provide the non-return valve if needed. Our technical helpline number, (available to all Salamander customers), is 0191 516 2002. Thanks for choosing a Salamander pump.

TK and Me Are Off To Northern Ireland

I was about to add news about TK and me heading off to Northern Ireland, but I’ve just decided to wait until next time. I know this has been a ‘Big Read’ and most of you are already stretching your attention spans. Sorry, it wont happen again.

I can’t leave you without a ‘chuckle for the road’ though

A Chuckle For The Road

After a hard mornings’s graft a plumber mate of mine needed some shut-eye, so he drove to a park that was nearby, parked up, and got his head down.

Only a few minutes had passed, when a man walked up to his van, and tapped on the driver’s window. “Excuse me, mate, have you got the time?” The plumber looked  at him, annoyed at being disturbed. But not wanting an argument, he looked at his watch and told the man that it was 11.30.

The man said “Thank you.” and walked off. The plumber tried to get to sleep again.

A few minutes later, another bloke walked up, and tapped on the driver’s door window. “Excuse me, mate, have you got the time?” said the man. The plumber looked up at him, really annoyed at being disturbed again. But not wanting an argument, he looked at his watch and told the man that it was 11.35.

The man said “Thanks” and walked off. The plumber tried to get to sleep again.

A few minutes later, another man walked up, and tapped him on the on the driver’s door window. “Have you got the time?” asked the man. The plumber looked up at him. This time he was really, really not a happy bunny, but he still didn’t want an argument, so he looked at his watch and told the bloke that it was 11.40.

The man said: “ta mate” and swaggered away. (That last one was a Mancunian).

The plumber had had enough so he decided that he really didn’t want to be disturbed again, so he got out a marker pen, and a piece of card, and wrote on it: “I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS.” He stuck the sign in the van window. Certain now that he wouldn’t be disturbed, he puts his head down one more time.

A few minutes later the plumber heard a tap  on the driver’s door window.
“WHAT DO YOU FLIPPIN’ WANT!!!” he screamed, and this bloke looks down at him and says…

“I just wanted to tell you, it’s ten-to-twelve!”

Boom-boom!

Your mate at Salamander

Big Malc

If You See Captain Leaky, Will You Tell Him?

Hope this latest post finds you well. I’ll be bringing you some important breaking news right here soon. Well, as soon as it all gets signed off by the powers that be and made all officially official, if you see what I mean.

As I’m not sure when that will come to pass, I thought I’d share a couple of gags I found on the Interthingy recently and, while I’m at it, remind you that we’re trying to get in touch with a contributor to several on-line plumbing forums. We like the cut of his jib, so to speak, so if you know him, please ask him to get in touch. Thanks. And Captain Leaky, if youre reading this, thanks for the kind comments, we couldn’t agree more 🙂

Ahem. The gags:

A proud father was showing a new neighbour a picture of his five grown sons. The newbie asked what they all did for a living. The father said the older two are doctors and the youngest two are lawyers. The friend asked about the middle son and the father said, “Oh, he installs Salamander shower pumps. Someone had to pay for all the others’ education.’

You have to admit that’s a half decent one, don’t you? Ok, please yourself.

And by the way, what do plumbers and doctors have in common? They both bury their mistakes

And before I go on my tea break, how many plumbers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Well, it takes three: a boss plumber to tell a plumber, a plumber to tell a plumber’s apprentice, a plumber’s apprentice to get his sparky friend to do it as a foreigner. (Yes, I wish, too)

That’s it for now and remember, brother Salamander installer, a good flush beats a full house every time.

Back soon

 

Big Malc.

And Then, There Was London. Eventually…

Leaving the green welly brigade behind in Cheltenham, TK and me pointed the Jag at the smoke and off we trotted. We’d just reached that new service station on the M5 and TK decides he needs a comfort break so we dive in to inspect the porcelain. Mission accomplished, we’re about to wander back to the car when TK decides he wants the morning paper, so hello WH Smith and a good five minutes of queuing, whilst the beleaguered till operator tried to explain to a foreign lady that, howl as she may, her Euros were never going to pay for anything, not at this till. I was watching from a distance as TK mastered his more murderous reflexes and contented himself by muttering ‘merd’ ostentatiously, since he was suspicious that said foreign lady was of the French persuasion.

So flustered was he, in fact, that we decided a calming coffee was the sensible course, so off we went to Costa Lot. Not much of a coffee lover, T.K.: you might say he can’t tell his macciato from his Elbow; he doesn’t much like their latest album either. On this occasion he ordered a skinny latte that took seven minutes to arrive and half an hour to consume.

Which only goes to show how much our days can be affected by the things that go on all around us, doesn’t it? How much of our time is at risk to the whims and caprices of others?

That’s another good reason for switching your shower pumps loyalties in our direction. Our pumps are easy to instal. No faffing around, no fiddling about. In the right hands, bish-bosh and it’s done. And once they’re in, they’re in. They’re reliable, see? No annoying trips to disgruntled customers to fix something, because nothing needs fixing.

You might still end up making an unscheduled stop that ended up putting you the best part of an hour behind schedule, hungry and tired, but if you save all the time you can by installing the right pump brand, then the wasted time will  hardly matter, will it?

A Question

A student who’d turned up at Wembley on a fact-finding mission asked me to explain the differences between a regenerative pump and a centrifugal pump, which I thought was a good question and one to cover here. Regenerative pumps tend to be slightly noisier than centrifugal ones and generally speaking they don’t produce the same water volume or maintain the same pressure as a centrifugal alternative with the same bar. Centrifugal pumps tend to more efficient energy users and deliver higher volumes at higher bar for longer. So now you know.

Today’s TK Top Tip

If you can possibly avoid it, never, ever go to a motorway services with Big Malc. You’ve never met a grumpier piece of work!

Plumbing Joke

My G.P. called me out in the middle of the night because one of his toilets was blocked. He insisted that it was urgent and that I went round right away. When I got there, I lifted the toilet lid, threw in a couple of aspirins, and said ‘‘if it’s still there in the morning, give us another ring…’

That’s all for now and remember, what happens on tour stays on tour!